


Keith Genuary Day 31: Free Day

by sunshinehime



Series: Keith's Gen-Uary Event 2019 [18]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bachelor Party shenanigans, Crack, Curtis is a little shit too, Drunk Keith (Voltron), Drunk Texting, Gay Adam (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Gen, Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Keith & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Not really it makes sense in context, Pidge | Katie Holt is Savage, Post Season 8, Pre-Epilogue, Space Dad Shiro (Voltron), Stripper Lance (Voltron), aro/ace Keith, broganes, but he's a huge pure flirt when he's drunk, hunk - Freeform, mentions of Allura, shiro is so done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-19 23:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17611475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinehime/pseuds/sunshinehime
Summary: Shiro’s Bachelor Party is wild, in the unique way only his loved ones can pull off. Iverson had insisted on planning the whole event, which gave Shiro piece of mind, until one Matt Holt and one Adam West got involved. Then it all goes downhill from there.





	Keith Genuary Day 31: Free Day

**Author's Note:**

> Did y'all say "Free Day?" *Jack Nicholson nodding gif plays*

Shiro’s Bachelor Party is wild, in the unique way only his loved ones can pull off. Iverson had insisted on planning the whole event, which gave Shiro piece of mind, until one Matt Holt and one Adam West got involved. Then it all goes downhill from there.

The actual party itself is incredibly elaborate. Iverson rents out an entire party hall, complete with a buffet featuring food from different regions, an open bar, and live DJ. 

Shiro looks around, not for the first time feeling overwhelmed and touched at the massive undertaking this party must have been. He had such wonderful friends and he feels waves of gratitude for them all over again. Not for the first time does he wish that Allura could be here to enjoy this -- and his actual wedding day -- as well.

It doesn’t even matter at this point that he can see the strange touches his best friends have added. The mechanical bull ride, guaranteed to throw off any reckless drunk, is something only Matt would pull off. And judging from the drink he’s nursing at a table in the front, the bar is using  penis shaped swizzle sticks. That’s definitely from Adam.

However, there is one mystery item and that is a metal pole extending to the ceiling, set next to the small DJ's booth. He assumes it’s for decoration but has a sinking feeling its true purpose will be revealed soon.

“Crazy turnout, huh Shiro?” Even with the din of pure bass thumping in his ears and what must be hundreds of Garrison personnel and even some Coalition members looking to let loose for one night, he instantly recognizes the voice of his brother. Keith plops down in the seat across from him holding his own drink. “Yeah, didn’t expect this many people.”

Another pair of footsteps grow closer and then the seat next to him is taken by Adam. “And to think, they’re all here for you Takashi. Well, for that and the free booze.”

“Speaking of booze, thanks for these,” and Shiro holds up the tiny plastic penis.

“Yeah seriously, I had one in my mouth for an hour before Pidge snapped a picture and showed me.” Adam snickers. “For an  _hour_? Are you sure that was by accident Keith?”

Keith responds by wading up a paper napkin and throwing it at Adam, who cackles in response. Their banter is interrupted by the sound of extremely loud jeers and the three nearly get whiplash swinging their heads toward the source. Shiro closes his eyes and wishes he could go back to the time before he witnessed this accursed sight.

“Oh my god…” Keith drops his drink on floor, eyes wide in horror and glued to the spectacle. Adam breaks out in a wolf whistle that almost shatters Shiro’s eardrums.

Lance is strutting toward the stage where the DJ is located. His outfit is no longer the dark blue button down and beige slacks he wore coming to the venue but instead a white crop top, jean short shorts and black thigh high boots. And Shiro gets a sudden moment of clarity and he knows what will unfold before him, involving that same pole.

Rapidly approaching behind him is Iverson, as livid as Shiro has ever seen him screaming out “I said no strippers! _None_!” Lance, now at the DJ booth, who has cease all music playing, snatches his free mic and addresses Iverson and the crowd. “Okay first of all, I’m technically not a stripper. My mother would kill me, even though the money’s nice and I’m  _damn_  good at it.” Cries of “show us” and “take it off” follow to Iverson’s anger.

“Second, I’m stripping and twerking for  _charity_. Every bill thrown at me or stuffed in this thong will go to the Blade of Marmora Humanitarian fund!” The audience erupts in loud cheers just as Keith, leader of said organization, jolts up and screams “I didn’t sign up for this Lance!” Lance winks at him, then whispers in the DJ’s ear, who soon starts up a sexy number.

Iverson, the fight drained from his body, slumps in a chair at the table on Shiro’s other side. He sighs as he and Shiro watches Lance take a running start and spin flawlessly on the pole. Keith slams his chair into the table and growls “I’ll be at the bar” before stomping off.

Shiro, who has a lovely headache throbbing at his temple, says weakly “At least it’s for charity, righ--”

“This is for you, birthday boy,” and Lance positions himself until he’s upside down, legs clinging on the pole. “Happy Birthday Captain!” And he has the nerve to salute with his free hand. Adam suddenly stands. “I’m gonna go put bills in his thong with my teeth. Later!” And he runs off for the stage.

Shiro looks back at Iverson, whose good eye has gone cold and dead. “ _I’m_  gonna go join Keith.” And Iverson stands up wordlessly with Shiro.

* * *

True to his word Keith sticks to the bar and has plenty to drink, along with Shiro and Iverson. Unfortunately for Keith, while his alcohol tolerance has gotten far better, it’s still nowhere near theirs. So while the two men are enjoying a nice buzz and pretending not to see the display unfolding on stage, Keith is wasted enough to start dancing on said stage with Lance, Adam, and Rizavi.

When the whole shebang finally winds down enough for the man of the hour to slip out, Shiro grabs Keith and Hunk grabs Lance (collecting all the bills slipped in his shorts and thong for safe keeping) to bring back to the luxury suite Iverson rented out for them. And while the suite was only meant for the former Paladins -- why Coran chooses to stay behind to have fun mingling and trying out new Earth foods -- Adam decides to invite himself anyway and no one cares enough to argue.

“Yeah, he’s laying on the bed now with Lance. He’s fine, don’t worry.” Shiro glances over and sees Keith stretched out on one of the queen size beds, Lance next to him knocked out and cuddling him. “How’s the spa with your sisters?”

Curtis’s voice is loud and slightly tinny over the phone. “It’s nice. We’re doing a mud bath thing right now.”

“Tell, tell Curtis I said hi.  _Shiro_! Tell him I said it.” Keith’s voice is loud enough to carry over to the other side of the room and Curtis is laughing as he responds. “Tell him I said hi back.” Soft cooing and giggling can be heard in the background and Shiro sighs, knowing the twins will be the first ones to call up and tease him the next morning. Keith, meanwhile, hears Curtis’s reply over the phone’s speaker mode and raises a fist in the air.

“Man we need to get Keith drunk more often, this is hilarious. Also Uno.” The rest of the group -- Shiro, Pidge, Hunk, and Adam -- are sitting at a table, an extremely fierce Uno game underway.

“Not on my watch Pidge.” And when Shiro’s turn rolls around again after Hunk and Adam, he lays down a devastating Draw Four.

Pidge shakes her head solemnly. “Betrayed by my own father.”

“How long must I suffer the Space Dad title? Thanks for that Hunk, by the way.”

Hunk shrugs helplessly and Adam pips up. “Would you rather it Space Daddy instead?”

“Shut up Adam.” More laughter from the phone and Shiro rubs his eyes, forgetting that Curtis is still on the line.

The four continue to play, with Hunk getting a “screw you” from Adam by thwarting his Uno with a Draw Two. Shiro and Curtis’s lazy conversation is calming background noise to the competitive madness.

“You should put a heart at the end of it.” Lance, leaning over Keith as he types out a message on his phone, forms one with his hands for emphasis.

“I-I know. I’m gonna, I’m gonna send it Lance, I got this.” And he squints at the screen, putting it too close to his face.

“Lance, you gotta stop egging him on. I know you’re tipsy but Keith’ll still be mad at you in the morning and then you’ll cry to me for a week and I’ll have to bake some cookies to make you feel better--”

“I _told_ you the last time I wasn’t crying there were onions around m--”

The last of his sentence is cut off by Curtis’s barking laugh. “Oh my god, you have to see this.” And he sends a screenshot of Keith’s texts.

**Keith: cuuroits  
Keith: i luorvee u 3<**

Shiro snickers and shows everyone else the message and they burst into laughter. Keith cries out after a moment and tries to show Shiro his phone, forgetting that he’s on the other side of the room and nearly topples over, Lance grabbing his arm in time. “Shiro! He sent me a heart back! He loves me. I'm stealing your husband.”

“I trained him well.”

“ _Adam_ \--”

Pidge clutches invisible pearls. “Keith, you  _homewrecker_.”

“Buddy, what would you even do with him if you did?” On a  _good_  day Keith is allergic to romance, Hunk recalls. Keith decides to roll over Lance before answering, who is too busy dozing off again to care. “I would hold his hand and we would, we will make cookies.”

A loud chorus of “awwwws” comes from the phone and Shiro can’t help but think, despite how bizarre this scenario is, that it’s somehow still very cute.

Adam grins at Keith, thoroughly enjoying the show. “Is that a euphemism?”

“No Adam, we’re making snecker-sneaker-sakerdoddles.”

“Okay, seriously, that whole thing was adorable. I’ll gladly defend your honor.” And Hunk throws down a Reverse, skipping Adam’s turn completely and making him shriek.

“Yup, it even warmed my black hole heart,” and Pidge gets her revenge by using a Draw Four on Shiro, who grumbles as he takes four cards from the deck.

“I think Keith has successfully wooed me. I’m sorry Shiro, it’s over.”

Shiro mock gasps. “You abandon our love, for  _snickerdoodles_?”

“And holding Keith’s hand. That’s important.”

“ _Bye_  Curtis,” his voice barely heard over the cackles of the three over the phone.

“Take care, I hope you’ll come to mine and Keith’s wedding next week.” Shiro hangs up too late and the room erupts into hysterics, leaving Shiro half resenting his cruel family and fiance.

The laughter is soon broken up by Lance, who is awake again and loudly sobbing in his arms. Hunk looks ready to fly across the room and comfort him when Lance speaks up. “Keith, you think, you think Allura saw me twerking? That was for her you know.”

Keith pats his friend on the head and his crying soon lets up. “You-you know what I think? She was twerking right next to you. Twerking in  _spirit_.” And puts a hand over Lance’s heart.

Pidge stares at the pair, along with everyone else, and a long uncomfortable silence follows. She turns back to the game and suddenly screams “Uno Out!” as she lays down her last card. Adam throws his cards at her and lunges over the table, missing Pidge as she dodges and cackles. Hunk cries how close he was to winning, despite having no less than fifteen cards on him.

Shiro cradles his head in his hands.

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, in my defense I did warn you that drunk Keith would make a return. Second, VLD should have never made an episode featuring Lance twirling himself around solely using upper body strength because then this happens. Third, I cannot believe I wrote this but I have no regrets. 
> 
> On a serious note, I want to thank everyone for reading, giving kudos, bookmarking, and commenting to my fics during this amazing month. I learned a lot about my own writing, the characters, and most importantly got to interact with some amazing fans on both Tumblr and here. It's wonderful to know that, among all the crazy shipping drama, there are tons of other fans who recognize and appreciate the journey that Keith has taken throughout the series and that his strength of character isn't derived from romance but comes from the platonic bonds he's formed with his family and friends.
> 
> Thank you so much everyone and I hope you enjoyed my silly and weird stories even as half as much as I enjoyed writing them. I have some more stuff coming up so stay tuned!


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